The Judge – Quotes
Hank: I respect he law just fine—I’m just not enamored with it; I’m not in love with it.
Lauren: So Grandpa Palmer’s dead too?
Hank: No. Grandpa Palmer’s dead to me. You must’ve misunderstood something.
Judge [to the plaintiff after the defendant said “you can’t get spinach from a turnip”]: Sell his new truck back to [the dealer] for whatever the turnip paid for it.
Judge: You are standing in one of the last great cathedrals in this country.
Judge: If that camera makes an appearance tomorrow, you know where it’s heading, right?
Dale: Up my a**.
Dale about Hank’s room being full of junk: Your room has all dad’s important stuff!
Sam: Stop staring! I know I look good.
Judge to his wife’s tombstone: You always have been my sweet heart and you always will be. I’ll be back tomorrow…and every day after that.
Judge: Imagine a faraway place where people value your opinion.
Dale about Judge and Hank: They shouldn’t drive together.
Hank to his brothers: Where were you two when they were distributing testicles?
Dale to Glen: What line were we in when they were distributing testicles?
In his defense… Oh, now he gets one!
Dale: That’s a grackle. They’re a real nuisance.
Hank: Nobody, nobody gives a rat’s a** about your legacy.
Judge: But I do!
Judge: Only guilty people refuse to take the stand.
Carla: I’m the happy but unplanned result of a drunken weekend on the river in Wabash… Coolaid and ever clear…
Lauren: I think Grandpa’s sweet.
Hank: Yeah, he isn’t, but I’m glad you see it that way.
Sam: I made a decision right then and there—whatever had or hadn’t happened in the past, I was going to be the hero of my own story.
Sam: You’re just a boy from Indiana who’s gonna do whatever he has to do to pretend he’s not.
Lauren: Daddy’s don’t get lonely. They only marry younger mommies.
Lauren about her parents’ divorce: It happened to Megan, then it happened to Katelyn. I just didn’t think it would happen to me.
Hank: You were previously a policeman in Detroit?
Dickham: Objection! His credentials are not in question.
Hank: I was going to say, “Welcome to Carlonville!”
Hank: Everybody wants Atticus Finch until it’s a dead hooker in a hot tub.
Dickham: That should be your bumper sticker.
Hank to Judge: I didn’t need help—I needed you!!!
Judge: You were headed down the wrong path. I did what I had to.
Hank: I graduated first in my class. First. I wasn’t just top of my class. First.
Judge: You’re welcome.
Hank: You’re a bull-s***ter.
Sam: Well, yeah, it’s my bull s***, kindly remove your shoes from it.
Judge: You’re asking me if I believe in God? I’m 72 with stage 4 cancer. What choice do I have?
Hank: Dial down the crazy now. Dial it down.
Glen: Don’t pat me. Don’t pat me. I’m the big brother here. Don’t pat me.
Hank: You are not capable of overriding a life of ethical superiority.
Judge: That’s not my testimony!
Judge: I wanted someone to help him like I wanted someone to help my boy.
Hank: Either she’s mine or you cheated on me. Either way, it’s not fine. It’s just one version is a little more not fine than another.
Sam: I love how you are simultaneously the most selfish and the most generous person I know. I love how you hate bullies all the while you’re being one.